I consider myself a team player. But what do you do when you don’t have a team?
The people I was friendly with years ago all rode horses and were volunteers in sheriff’s department mounted unit. The depended upon one another, sometimes for their very existence. Until the advent of a new regime in that department, we were like brothers and sisters who could fight among ourselves, but provide a unified front against the onslaught of others. After the new regime, we were torn apart. I’ve been looking for that same team feeling for years now.
Maybe the world has changed, but finding a team to play on isn’t easy. As we all know, true friends are hard to find, maybe impossible. As good a friend as you think you are or that you think you have, there’s that one time when no one comes when you call, when you might be told point blank that nobody cares (as I was told). My answer was to turn inward. To be my own best friend. Release the expectations of others.
First, avoid negativity. I found that when I was being beaten up by someone emotionally or even near people that were berating others, I took on some measure of the criticism. Barring that “saint” you know, expect all people to have their failings and be negative from time to time. I have seen a person that prays every day, reduce a girl one third his age to tears. I have heard a “spiritual” person, speaks ill of a woman without walking a mile in her shoes. I found it disturbing but, as I have said, we are all human. People are human. Bubble up. We can’t avoid everything but we can protect ourselves. Don’t always think less of the perpetrator, they may be waging their own battle.
Third, let it go. Grudges make us dirty inside. Being the object of undeserved criticism or angst, can well up feelings of retribution within your heart. Meditate. Pray. Keep busy. Knowing what a person is capable of, who you should avoid or how to handle a negative person, isn’t a grudge, its empowerment. I don’t think I’m a schizophrenic or have multiple personalities, but I have tried to develop a multifaceted personality so that I can send out the right part of me to deal with whatever comes my way. I can be professional, aloof, concerned.
—Abraham Excerpted from: Phoenix, AZ on February 01, 2014