In talking about release and surrender of thoughts and things that don’t serve you this month, I’m reminded of a conversation I had with my grandma a few months ago. We were talking about my frustration concerning my “weight loss journey”. I put it in quotations because… Who the hell actually calls it a weight loss journey and is serious about it, isn’t mocking the term under their breath? Not me, but that seems to be the PC term recently.
Anyway, I was complaining to my Grandmother that no matter how much working out I do or how busy I am, no matter how clean I eat or whether I deny myself dessert, my weight doesn’t seem to budge within a five to ten pound fluctuation. This wasn’t always the case as I lost a chunk of weight a few years ago that I’ve since gained back even though I continued to be active for almost a year. Moving on to the release part…
My Grandmother told me that I need to let go. That was her advice.
She says I hold onto things too close. My stress over our kids, their needs and wants. My apprehension about one son in particular, what does his future look like? My concern over work and finances. Where is the money for this known future expense going to come from? My worry over everything that I can’t control. Which is so much. My disquiet over doing my best on everything that I can control. I’m kind of a control freak. My frustration about today’s society and the way its moving. Why can’t we all just get along? Is there actually more violence or is it just that we’re all so connected and I watch the news and am online all the time? My continual anxiety about my husband’s cycling and what if he gets hurt?
Safety, health, money, happiness, business, society and friendships. As you might be able to tell, I stress a bit. So much that I had to use a thesaurus to find other words for “stress”. I hold it together and don’t look like a ball of stress or even act like one most days. To those who don’t know me well, I seem pretty level-headed and calm. I’m mellow and let things roll off my back like water off a duck’s back in comparison to some people, but my grandmother knows me.
“Let go, Charla,” she tells me. “You’re taking on too much stress and responsibility for things you can’t control and your body is responding by holding on to everything like you do.”
I know she’s right. At least in an emotional and mental sense. I think she’s probably at least partially right about the physical body part, too. But it’s hard. Its hard to figure out what you should let go of and what you should hang onto.
Society stress? Yeah, not helpful for me, but if I don’t pay attention, notice and work for change when I can, doesn’t that take away my right to complain?
Kids’ needs and wants and Toby’s future? If I don’t help him and work in his corner, who will? He’s unable to do it himself. And if I don’t push Jake to be his best self, will he do it on his own?
Finances? No one in my household even knows what’s going on financially half the time, so if I don’t keep track of stuff like this and consistently strive for a solution, who will?
Worry about Jon’s health during cycling training and races? He’s crashed several times and needed emergency surgery. I think that worry is pretty valid.
Letting go isn’t as easy as it sounds, Grandma. But I do know that by slowing down and taking a breath, I can change how I see things. I can Are they mountains or molehills? Is it something that I need to worry about or can change right now? Maybe not.